Sleep Deprived

I planned a nap, you’re going to get this post instead.

At 2:45, after a more tiring morning, all kids were in their rooms for their afternoon nap.  Pretty Girl should be down for 2-3 hours, BroBro for about 2, and Littlest Man was due to be woken for his next nursing at 4:00.  My mind wondered.  Just what was it I should do with this precious quiet time?

There was the to-do list; long, and growing by the minute.  There was the book; intriguing and too often neglected.  There was the exhaustion; overbearing and almost overwhelming.

Which one would win the battle?  The list, the book or the nap?  NAP?  I needed a nap!

Littlest Man turned 8 weeks old today.  Oh, the moments have been so precious….but oh so tiring.  Sleep deprivation has been harder this time around.  Maybe it is due to the fact that caring for an infant is not “new” or maybe it’s due to the fact that I’m a few years older, or maybe it’s just because there’s a 4 and 2 year old sibling that alone keep me on my toes but whatever the reason, I am tired.

Both BroBro and Pretty Girl started sleeping through the night at exactly 7 1/2 weeks.  I think that maybe I was hopeing Littlest Man would do the same.  Well, 7 1/2 weeks have come and gone and a full night’s sleep has not yet been gained.  Now, at a few days past that mark I have started to feel frustrated. I think I knew I could make it to that point, almost giving myself a goal point.  Now, I just feel tired.

So why is it that I have a blog post during this time; this sweet time when I should have taken that much needed nap?  At 2:45 everyone was down and asleep and I was just about to lay my head back and close my eyes but at 3:15 Littlest Man was awake and screaming his presence.  As I listened to his cries and begged him to sleep his scheduled 45  minutes more, I too began to cry.  I needed this time and I was frustrated.  I wanted to hurl myself on the ground and throw a tantrum just like my 2 year old daughter.  

Torture in it’s rawest form, sleep deprivation has left me grumpy, impatient, frustrated, and emotional.  It has given me days that I have been so tired that I have lost my balance just standing in one spot and many more where I have found it virtually impossible to think clearly.  Not only have I felt miserable myself but I have felt that I have made the life of those around me also miserable.  I have earned no “Mother of the Year” awards lately.  With most days resulting in total chaos, I have felt almost incompetent to handle the day-to-day situations that arise from staying at home with 3 young children.

But wait, it hasn’t be TOTAL chaos.  I recently read the following two posts:   The Crazy Comes in Waves and Toot Your Horn that seemed to hit this very struggle that I am currently facing.  Both of them pointed out the importance of focusing on the positives of each day rather than dwelling on the struggles.  As I read both of them, I nodded my head in agreement.  Noting that this was me!  This is where I am right now.  How right they were.  Not every moment has been chaos.  Not every minute has been stressful.  I have had many good days.  I have had several where I have felt rested.  We have continued to work on school.  We have made it to our music class, library time, and playdates.  We have read books and played with toys.  We have had fun.  God placed those posts in my reader for a reason.  And he did it twice because because he knew I was just tired enough to only half pay attention the first time.

I can do this.  Sleep will come and with the help of God I will survive and so will my family.  I do NOT pray these days to pass quickly.  I know way to well how the moment they are gone is the same moment I wish them back but I do pray for my own continued patience as I savor the next few nights…or weeks…or do I dare even say months of precious, baby-hoding sleep-deprivated time.

Please Lord, help me to not just nod my head in agreement as I read these words of hope and encouragement but to live them out when I am struggling the most.